


Not Because of You But, With You (I Can Heal)

by linguisticswithlester



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Accomplishment, Cute, DAN AND PHIL - Freeform, Despression, Fluff, Happy, M/M, Medication, One Shot, Phan - Freeform, prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-18
Updated: 2018-07-18
Packaged: 2019-06-12 13:56:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15341301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/linguisticswithlester/pseuds/linguisticswithlester
Summary: Dan goes home to tell Phil he no longer needs his medication.





	Not Because of You But, With You (I Can Heal)

**Author's Note:**

> This is from a prompt I got sent on tumblr...If you want to send me one, you can reach me at linguisticswithlester! I'm on that website way too much :))  
>    
> Prompt: Something about the day Dan told Phil he was gonna go off his meds pls
> 
> Warnings: Mentions of depression and medication

Dan looked in the mirror as he stood in the bathroom inside his therapists office. He saw a boy, no a man, that has been through so much and his brain took every hit. He saw a man who wanted to be free from the cage his mind put him in and locked the invisible door. Memories of tears streaming down his face at random parts of of the day for no reason other than to remind him that his mind was numb but, the pain still existed; having conversations and not hearing a single word and being blind to things happening right in front of him. It was like he was a walking shell; he looked like Dan but, Dan was really gone. All those things, Dan never envisioned for himself yet, they showed up like unwanted guests throughout the years.

    However, the mirror also showed healing.

    Dan threw some cold water on his face and let it drip into the sink for a moment. Today was a day he never thought he would see. After years of seeing a therapist for his depression, getting comfort from friends and family, from Phil, and having to just sit some days out, Dan was finally going off his meds. He worked so hard on bettering himself and making sure his mind could handle Dan being back in the reins. He still had bad days, he always would but, he was sure he could handle them on his own now.  

    After talking to his therapist about it for a while, they both agreed that slowly lowering the dosage of his medication until they were no longer needed would be a good idea. He has had a long time to process his depression and learned to work through what set it off and look for signs for when it might get bad again. Dan had a steady support system at home that he was confident wouldn’t let him slip. Dan expected hard days to hit but, this time Dan was strong enough to hit back. Dan was ready to be Dan again. 

    Drying his hands, Dan left the office and started walking towards his flat. Phil would be waiting, no doubt, for him with takeout and their show of choice dancing on the TV screen when he got home. The first few times Dan went to therapy, it really took a lot out of him. His first bunch of doctors weren’t the right fit for him, so he was constantly switching. Not knowing if the new doctor would work or not stressed Dan out even more and he wanted to give up hope all together. Phil saw how unsettled that made Dan after the first few times he went so it’s been an ongoing theme for Phil to have takeaway and a movie playing for Dan when he got home so he could relax and just be oblivious for a while. 

    Dan let his thoughts wander the whole walk home. He would get to tell Phil that he would be medication free in a few weeks. 

    “Oh my God…” he said under his breath as he started to ascend the staircase that lead to their front door. He would get to tell the one person that has been through this dark journey with him the entire time that it has all payed off. What would he say? How would he act? How would Phil react? Dan never thought about his, “I’m good” speech because he honestly never thought he would be giving one. It’s a big step to be going off medications for Dan. Taking them for medical reasons is never something to be ashamed of but, still; Dan was excited. 

    Unlocking the door handle, Dan pushed gently on the door and heard the muffled sounds of the TV playing in the background. He set his keys down and took a look around. Where was Phil? Taking a step forward, Phil popped out from the kitchen. 

     “Hey Dan! How did your session go today? I’ve got Indian takeaway this time.” Phil said with a cheerful smile as he turned to head back into the kitchen. 

 Dan followed him.

    “Phil, I have something to tell you.”

Phil turned around and gave Dan his look he always does when he’s confused. He tilted his head to the side and pouted his lips. 

   “What is it, Dan? Should I be worried?”

     “No! It’s good news.” Dan slowly walked up to where Phil was standing and slid his arms around the older man’s waist locking his hands together behind him in one flowing movement. Their chests were pressed together; Dan could feel Phil’s heartbeat…it was steady. Always there for Dan to lean on if needed. 

    “I’m happy, you know? Lately, I find myself genuinely smiling more often than I do being upset. I laugh and make jokes, I can watch a movie without phasing in and out. My thoughts have cleared and I actually enjoy life.” 

    Phil raised and eyebrow and a smirk formed across his lips, “You made a joke about dying just yesterday.” 

    “Old habits die hard. But anyway, that’s besides the point, back to what I was getting at. I am genuinely better. I still have depression, I probably always will. I’ll still have bad days but, I’m ready for them now.” Dan got quiet as everything was really sinking in. The day had finally come to where Dan could actually say this out loud.

    “Phil, I’m going of my meds.” Dan just said it, just like that. It felt unnatural but, it felt so right. Dan knew there were no mistakes made, this was the right choice. It took a long time but, God, it was worth it.

  Phil didn’t say a word, instead, he lifted his head up and closed the space between him and Dan. Placing his lips against Dan’s, he raised his hands so they could find their place in Dan’s hair, slightly pulling it and not caring if they mess up his perfectly placed curls. Their place was to comfort Dan and let him know he is loved no matter what. 

Phil broke the connection and leaned his head back to look into Dan’s hazelnut eyes; his hands still resting on Dan’s freckled covered cheeks. 

    “Dan, I am so proud of you. You really have come a long way and I’m glad you kept me with you all this time so I could witness this accomplishment. I love you, forever and always, you know that.” Phil was mesmerized by Dan and always would be. “Come on, I’ve got takeout waiting for you in the living room. Let’s go stuff our faces with food and binge watch Netflix.”

    “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Dan said as he let go of Phil’s waist. A dimpled smile showed on the boy’s face saying thank you in a million different ways. As he turned to head towards the living room, he grabbed Phil’s hand. Dan couldn’t help but, add one more thing to the conversation before it got too sentimental. 

    “…You spoon.”


End file.
